Entering my Phoebe Buffay Era

Creative blocks, The Business, and excessive Julia Cameron quotes

I texted my friend Dawn this weekend that I was reading Walking in This World¹ by Julia Cameron (author of The Artist’s Way) and now I was ready to say to hell² with the business aspects of writing, buy some silk scarves, bangle bracelets, and long skirts and become an Artiste, Phoebe-Buffay-style.

Because she is the bestest of friends, she replied with “I fully support this plan!”

I said it half-jokingly but in that way that really isn’t joking. (Well, I was joking about the skirts. I hate skirts.) A real urge was bubbling up and I didn’t want to stop it.

I read a lot of non-fiction and I’ve read a lot of books about writing. But there are a few authors who write about creativity that go beyond teaching me skills and instead reach through the page, grab me by the collar, and say, “What are you doing? Wake up! Stop turning fun into stress. Creativity is a gift. Use it. Cherish it. Protect it.”

I got that feeling reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and I get that feeling every time I pick up a book by Julia Cameron³. I probably should always be reading one of hers. Because I so easily forget. That Achiever (#3 in my Gallup Strengths profile) part of me can drive the joy right out of my writing because I get too focused on outcome instead of process.

“When making art becomes about making a career, it has the same deadening impact as when making love becomes about making a baby. Rather than enjoy the process, we become focused on the result…There’s a rush to get it over with and move on to the main thrust of things, our Brilliant Career.” — Julia Cameron, Walking in This World, pg. 80

I’ve been in a mostly joyless period when it comes to writing fiction for a while now, possibly since the pandemic. I got myself out of the depths of burnout last year, but I never fully recovered the fun of storytelling, the lightness of creating—probably because I’d lost those things a while before burnout. I’d let the business side kind of chew its way through the creative fun side.

I thought dialing back my commitments and not being under deadline would give me space to regain some of that writing joy, but something has still been blocking me. (At least for fiction. I did write a non-fiction proposal that I enjoyed putting together and am excited about.) Reading Walking in This World this weekend clarified what part of the issue might be.

“Creativity expands in an atmosphere encouraging to it, and constricts self-protectively in an atmosphere that is cynical or hostile.” —Julia Cameron, Walking in This World, pg. 108

Hmm, an atmosphere that is cynical or hostile…oh where, oh where might I find myself in that kind of atmosphere? Oh. Right. Pretty much anywhere on social media.

Your Writing Brain Is Under Attack

Yes, I’ve cut way, way back on my social media. Yes, I teach workshops about focus and attention. Yes, I have been preaching about the bad effects of social media to pretty much anyone who would listen over the years. However, I’m still exposed to the mood of it all—the very cynical, very hostile mood.

Even a few minutes out in Online Writer Land and you can feel it. Companies stealing our books to train A.I. Readers and authors arguing with each other over the blowup of the day. Authors having trouble getting their books seen anywhere online anymore. The pressure to release books at a breakneck speed. Not to mention the ever-changing “rules” of where/how to be found, what you should write, how you should interact with readers, etc.

It’s a lot. And it feels different, markedly more intense than it felt earlier in my career.

“The act of making art requires sensitivity, and when we cultivate sufficient sensitivity for our art, we often find that the tumult of life takes a very high toll on our psyches… When a creative artist is fatigued, it is often from too much inflow, not too much outflow. When we are making something, we are listening to an inner voice that has many things to tell us—if we will listen. It is hard to listen amid chatter. It is hard to listen amid chaos.” —Julia Cameron, Walking in This World, pgs. 123-124

If I spend too much time reading about the state of the industry—or the state of the world in general, my muse (or whatever you want to call what drives our desire to create) thinks, why bother?

Hence my need to enter into my Phoebe Buffay era. It’s time for me to stop worrying about The Business⁴ and lean into the playful, artsy, whimsical side of being a writer. I need to spend most of my time NOT online. I need to do some longhand writing away from screens and keep up with my morning pages. I need to go on Artist’s Dates (part of The Artist’s Way method.) I need to read books instead of online articles or hot takes.

In other words, I need to sing my equivalent of “Smelly Cat” the way it’s meant to be sung, off-key and for just myself, not with backup singers and high production video. I will let the business part back in when I finish something I like and want to get it out in the world.

“The business of art is a machine, but an artist is the live, animating spark that runs it. That spark can be extinguished by too much ‘realism’ and too much ‘I know you don’t want to hear this but…’” —Julia Cameron, Walking in This World, pg. 91

I’ve had enough realism for now. It’s time to find that version of me that happily escaped to writing when my baby (who’s now almost 17!) was napping, who saw writing as a treat and an adventure. She’s still in there. I know she’s got some stories to tell.

“It’s never too late to start over. It is never past the point of no return for our artist to recover. We can heap years, decades, a lifetime of insult upon our artist and it is so resilient, so powerful, and so stubborn that it will come back to life when we give it the smallest opportunity. —Julia Cameron, Walking in This World, pg. 105

Now sing along with me…

I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of this! Part of the joy of this newsletter is some of the great discussions we have in the comments, so please don’t be scared to share. (But also, if you don’t want to post a public comment, you can hit reply on this email to just share with me.)

Anyone else in need of a Phoebe era? What do you need right now in your writing life?

1. Book links are affiliate links

2. There may have been more colorful language involved.

3. For those who haven’t read Cameron before, there is a spiritual/religious component to her books. (There’s a bit of that in Gilber’s Big Magic too.) I can take what resonates with me and leave what doesn’t without issue, but know thyself if that kind of thing isn’t your jam.

4. I recognize that I am lucky to have this option. I have other sources of income (coaching, workshops, a working spouse) in addition to my backlist of books. I know that not every writer has the option to ignore the business parts for a while. But I do hope that all of us can find some pocket of mental space to dedicate to the fun side of creating so that we don’t burnout.