You are definitely NOT shouting into the void! :).
On the exercise front, check out Team Body Project on YouTube. I think their tag line is something like, real exercise, real people, real results. I've been a member for almost 5 years. They offer free videos on YouTube, but if you become a member there are over 600 videos on their site. They range from simple stretching to intense workouts. The time commitment is as little as 10 minutes, and as much as an hour. The variety helps me exercise everyday. If I'm not into, I can pick a short, low level exercise (often I continue on because just moving makes me feel better). I'm not an affiliate, I just LOVE this program. Before TBP, I never laughed during workouts. Most days I'm smiling with them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Grief is difficult - and different for everyone. I wish you all well. <3
So much of your post resonates with me. The most interesting part is that I knew much of this on a subconscious level. This happens a lot with your posts, btw. You're giving labels, or the words to describe what I suspect a lot of us are dealing with.
I've always been a list maker and I nearly always add things to my list just so I can tick them off. I don't think it's cheating - it's giving yourself a positive push. "This thing" is already done. Go me! I think writing can work the same way. We're so often working on our writing outside of any hours we might set. Write that stuff down. The notes from the car or a casual conversation. The character idea you get reading someone else's book or watching a movie. It's all work and it all counts.
I also love the idea of sitting down to write and just doing that work - whatever shape it takes, whether it's a chapter or just some notes. I also love the journal entry in a character's voice! I haven't done anything like that in so long. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks, Kelly. And yes, I'm definitely the person who adds the thing to the To Do list even after I finish it so that I can cross it off. I used to have a whole "Done" planner, dedicated to just writing down what I accomplished that day. No shame in that! We have to celebrate where we can. :)
This definitely resonates. I have definitely lost trust in my writer self. I delicate over such small things I used navigate with ease, though often I was naive and didn't alwa
ys recognize a challenge in writing as a challenge. Kind of like hiking with rattlesnakes following you. If you don't know they're behind you then you can be fearless . So many things I wish I could un-know....
Hey, Julie! And yes, the overthinking can be debilitating. I already had an issue with that but over time it only gets worse because like you said, you know more. Ugh!
I’m a 1 Achiever/ 2 Learner, and I often feel like we are in a similar place right now. Thanks so much for being a voice in the storm.
I’m sorry to see the news about your father. I’ve had Cancer and any death connected to that disease always flips a switch in me. I find myself, like you, evaluating my life constantly—diet, exercise, sleep, stress—and then stressing that I’m not doing enough.
I’m terms of the writing, word count goals are like poison for me. Sadly,I still seem to want to measure myself against them. And more often than not, fail to reach them. Which starts that cycle you described. It’s awful ending the day feeling like a failure. Thanks for sharing your journey and offering tools on how can reframe our thinking. Writing used to feel magical. (Even when it was difficult.) I look forward to having that feeling again.
Thanks, Stacy, and yes, I'm Learner/Input/Achiever for my Top 3 so my guess is we have similar challenges in that respect. And I hear you on wanting the magic back. I haven't had that feeling for a good long while now, and I do think it will come back. I haven't given up that hope. But I think what I'm feeling most is that until I get this foundational stuff in place, I'm going to be jumping into the writing arena with no tools to protect myself from sliding right back into burnout. So I'm trying to be patient and focus on those core things, but ugh, it's hard.
Thank you for this 💖 I'd never thought about taking on goals that are too big/too soon as breaking trust in ourselves, but that really resonates and feels true. It gets so messy, because at the center of it, as we (or at least I) come back from burnout/depression, I *want* to be better. I want to skip the healing process and just be healed, and it's hard to remember that rushing back into old habits isn't the same as healing. Finding the balance and taking things slow is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the bravest (at least that's what I'm telling myself, haha). It takes bravery to sit still and learn how our patterns have changed. And it takes bravery to build up trust in ourselves again and be accountable for the positive things in our lives. This was a really important and meaningful post, thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks, Brianna. I'm glad the post resonated. I hear ya on wanting to skip to healing and just be back to "normal" but yeah, doesn't work so well. :) I think I managed to do that for years, cycling in and out of burnout between deadlines and thinking that was working. But then last year my brain and body were like NOPE, sit your ass down and actually rest. So it always catches up to me. And I think what you said about accepting patterns change is so very difficult. Like it's very hard for me to accept that I am no longer the writer who can pump out two 100k+ books plus a 40k novella a year like I did in the beginning. I am different.
And oof. Did this ever resonate. Waving at you from deep in the middle of burnout (and depression, which only makes it worse - my therapist and I are working on it), goal setting has been rough. I LOVE goals, and lists, and targets. But I've been failing spectacularly at them for the past 6+ months. So I've stripped it down. Two goals are daily commitments: write my morning pages (I'm someone else who never kept a journal habit, but it's working), and read something every day. Those are the easy ones. Then when I'm writing my pages in the morning, I set 3 small goals for the day - if I get those done, my day is a success. Anything over and above those? Bonus.
It means I'm not writing much, but I need to take care of me first.
And I never would have started doing morning pages if you hadn't talked bout them here! So you're definitely not shouting into the void. :)
Thank you and I'm glad I'm not shouting into the void! <3 I'm sorry you're dealing with burnout and depression. I definitely understand. I don't have traditional depression but I have PMDD, so for 7-10 days a month, depression appears. The small goals are what I'm doing too. When I get one of those occasional rushes of LET'S DO ALL THE THINGS, I have to tell myself "whoa, easy there" because I know if I get too ambitious with things right now, I'll do more damage than good.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is always hard, but especially when it seems like they should have so much life left to live.
I needed to read this today. I found your work ages ago via a book rec (What if You and Me is literally the best ever, I just reread it a few weeks ago), but started following your blog and this Substack after reading Becca's mention of your posts about social media use and deep work. Everything you've written about that has helped me so much in the last couple of months! And I've enjoyed reading your newer newsletters too.
When I first started writing seriously a few years ago, it was a little bit for other people/for recognition, but mostly for me. I didn't have a lot of goals tied up in it. In the last year or so that's changed, and I'm starting to recognize how demotivating putting all those expectations on myself has been.
Something one of the BFA coaches mentioned to me related to Futuristic is that a) the timeline is almost always longer than you think it is and b) it's like a piece of yourself is in that future, and if you don't reunite it with the rest of you (by getting there), in some ways you lose that part of yourself. When you talked about eroding trust, that's the first thing that came to mind. I'm terrible at keeping commitments to myself, but great at setting ambitious goals (and even envisioning the futures for those goals!!) and then...failing at meeting the expectation and beating myself up for that.
I've long since accepted that internal accountability isn't something I'm wired for, but it DOES feel good when I am able to hold commitments to myself (movement is one I'm also becoming more consistent with, and it's so weird to start looking forward to after years of resistance). And I have broken a ton of trust with myself around writing in the past 18 months, to the point that some days it's extremely difficult to have faith that I can actually sit down and do the work. I really appreciate this reminder/reframe and encouragement.
Thank you and I'm so glad you've found the social media/deep work posts helpful. I like that metaphor of losing the pieces of yourself you've sent out into the future. Maybe that's why missing goals feels extra painful. And yeah, about accountability, I like Gretchen Rubin's system for that. Her Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, Rebel thing. It makes room for those who struggle with internal accountability to set up other things to help out.
I am sorry to read about your dad. I lost one of my best friends to colon cancer in 2020. Both my dad and my brother survived their bouts with it, so it was hard to imagine my young, vibrant Michelle would not make it. My heart goes out to you and your family.
As for your message, it really did resonate with me. I have lost trust in myself and in my writing over the last few years. I've been trying to build back incrementally, but it is hard to get on a even keel. I was so disciplined in 2021. I lost 50lbs on WW and wrote a couple books, but by mid-2022 the backsliding began. I found myself wondering if it was worth all the work, and in some cases (diet) gave up. I feel like I've been trying to get a grip all year. In some ways, I'm better (writing), in others I am not (health), but I am trying to take small steps in the right direction. It's all a process, right?
Thank you and I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. :(
As for trying to get back on an even keel, I hear you. Sometimes it seems like I can only have one or two major balls in the air (which means I'd be really bad at juggling, I guess.) If I focus on my health and family stuff, my writing has to take a backseat. If I focus on my writing, my healthy habits start to slide and my family stuff becomes chaotic. Trying to figure out the right balance is an ongoing journey. It's the age old work/life balance thing I guess, but I have to believe there is a world where both sides can exist in some kind of harmony. :-/
condolences on the loss of your father.
thank you <3
This is great! It definitely resonates with me.
(I'm catching up on email after taking the youngest to college.)
You are definitely NOT shouting into the void! :).
On the exercise front, check out Team Body Project on YouTube. I think their tag line is something like, real exercise, real people, real results. I've been a member for almost 5 years. They offer free videos on YouTube, but if you become a member there are over 600 videos on their site. They range from simple stretching to intense workouts. The time commitment is as little as 10 minutes, and as much as an hour. The variety helps me exercise everyday. If I'm not into, I can pick a short, low level exercise (often I continue on because just moving makes me feel better). I'm not an affiliate, I just LOVE this program. Before TBP, I never laughed during workouts. Most days I'm smiling with them.
Thanks, I haven't heard of that one. I'll check it out! (And I'm glad I'm not shouting into the void.) :)
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Grief is difficult - and different for everyone. I wish you all well. <3
So much of your post resonates with me. The most interesting part is that I knew much of this on a subconscious level. This happens a lot with your posts, btw. You're giving labels, or the words to describe what I suspect a lot of us are dealing with.
I've always been a list maker and I nearly always add things to my list just so I can tick them off. I don't think it's cheating - it's giving yourself a positive push. "This thing" is already done. Go me! I think writing can work the same way. We're so often working on our writing outside of any hours we might set. Write that stuff down. The notes from the car or a casual conversation. The character idea you get reading someone else's book or watching a movie. It's all work and it all counts.
I also love the idea of sitting down to write and just doing that work - whatever shape it takes, whether it's a chapter or just some notes. I also love the journal entry in a character's voice! I haven't done anything like that in so long. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks, Kelly. And yes, I'm definitely the person who adds the thing to the To Do list even after I finish it so that I can cross it off. I used to have a whole "Done" planner, dedicated to just writing down what I accomplished that day. No shame in that! We have to celebrate where we can. :)
This definitely resonates. I have definitely lost trust in my writer self. I delicate over such small things I used navigate with ease, though often I was naive and didn't alwa
ys recognize a challenge in writing as a challenge. Kind of like hiking with rattlesnakes following you. If you don't know they're behind you then you can be fearless . So many things I wish I could un-know....
Hey, Julie! And yes, the overthinking can be debilitating. I already had an issue with that but over time it only gets worse because like you said, you know more. Ugh!
Deliberate not delicate, lol.
Hi Roni,
Love these newsletters!
I’m a 1 Achiever/ 2 Learner, and I often feel like we are in a similar place right now. Thanks so much for being a voice in the storm.
I’m sorry to see the news about your father. I’ve had Cancer and any death connected to that disease always flips a switch in me. I find myself, like you, evaluating my life constantly—diet, exercise, sleep, stress—and then stressing that I’m not doing enough.
I’m terms of the writing, word count goals are like poison for me. Sadly,I still seem to want to measure myself against them. And more often than not, fail to reach them. Which starts that cycle you described. It’s awful ending the day feeling like a failure. Thanks for sharing your journey and offering tools on how can reframe our thinking. Writing used to feel magical. (Even when it was difficult.) I look forward to having that feeling again.
Thanks, Stacy, and yes, I'm Learner/Input/Achiever for my Top 3 so my guess is we have similar challenges in that respect. And I hear you on wanting the magic back. I haven't had that feeling for a good long while now, and I do think it will come back. I haven't given up that hope. But I think what I'm feeling most is that until I get this foundational stuff in place, I'm going to be jumping into the writing arena with no tools to protect myself from sliding right back into burnout. So I'm trying to be patient and focus on those core things, but ugh, it's hard.
Thank you for this 💖 I'd never thought about taking on goals that are too big/too soon as breaking trust in ourselves, but that really resonates and feels true. It gets so messy, because at the center of it, as we (or at least I) come back from burnout/depression, I *want* to be better. I want to skip the healing process and just be healed, and it's hard to remember that rushing back into old habits isn't the same as healing. Finding the balance and taking things slow is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the bravest (at least that's what I'm telling myself, haha). It takes bravery to sit still and learn how our patterns have changed. And it takes bravery to build up trust in ourselves again and be accountable for the positive things in our lives. This was a really important and meaningful post, thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks, Brianna. I'm glad the post resonated. I hear ya on wanting to skip to healing and just be back to "normal" but yeah, doesn't work so well. :) I think I managed to do that for years, cycling in and out of burnout between deadlines and thinking that was working. But then last year my brain and body were like NOPE, sit your ass down and actually rest. So it always catches up to me. And I think what you said about accepting patterns change is so very difficult. Like it's very hard for me to accept that I am no longer the writer who can pump out two 100k+ books plus a 40k novella a year like I did in the beginning. I am different.
So sorry to hear about your Dad.
And oof. Did this ever resonate. Waving at you from deep in the middle of burnout (and depression, which only makes it worse - my therapist and I are working on it), goal setting has been rough. I LOVE goals, and lists, and targets. But I've been failing spectacularly at them for the past 6+ months. So I've stripped it down. Two goals are daily commitments: write my morning pages (I'm someone else who never kept a journal habit, but it's working), and read something every day. Those are the easy ones. Then when I'm writing my pages in the morning, I set 3 small goals for the day - if I get those done, my day is a success. Anything over and above those? Bonus.
It means I'm not writing much, but I need to take care of me first.
And I never would have started doing morning pages if you hadn't talked bout them here! So you're definitely not shouting into the void. :)
Thank you and I'm glad I'm not shouting into the void! <3 I'm sorry you're dealing with burnout and depression. I definitely understand. I don't have traditional depression but I have PMDD, so for 7-10 days a month, depression appears. The small goals are what I'm doing too. When I get one of those occasional rushes of LET'S DO ALL THE THINGS, I have to tell myself "whoa, easy there" because I know if I get too ambitious with things right now, I'll do more damage than good.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is always hard, but especially when it seems like they should have so much life left to live.
I needed to read this today. I found your work ages ago via a book rec (What if You and Me is literally the best ever, I just reread it a few weeks ago), but started following your blog and this Substack after reading Becca's mention of your posts about social media use and deep work. Everything you've written about that has helped me so much in the last couple of months! And I've enjoyed reading your newer newsletters too.
When I first started writing seriously a few years ago, it was a little bit for other people/for recognition, but mostly for me. I didn't have a lot of goals tied up in it. In the last year or so that's changed, and I'm starting to recognize how demotivating putting all those expectations on myself has been.
Something one of the BFA coaches mentioned to me related to Futuristic is that a) the timeline is almost always longer than you think it is and b) it's like a piece of yourself is in that future, and if you don't reunite it with the rest of you (by getting there), in some ways you lose that part of yourself. When you talked about eroding trust, that's the first thing that came to mind. I'm terrible at keeping commitments to myself, but great at setting ambitious goals (and even envisioning the futures for those goals!!) and then...failing at meeting the expectation and beating myself up for that.
I've long since accepted that internal accountability isn't something I'm wired for, but it DOES feel good when I am able to hold commitments to myself (movement is one I'm also becoming more consistent with, and it's so weird to start looking forward to after years of resistance). And I have broken a ton of trust with myself around writing in the past 18 months, to the point that some days it's extremely difficult to have faith that I can actually sit down and do the work. I really appreciate this reminder/reframe and encouragement.
Thank you and I'm so glad you've found the social media/deep work posts helpful. I like that metaphor of losing the pieces of yourself you've sent out into the future. Maybe that's why missing goals feels extra painful. And yeah, about accountability, I like Gretchen Rubin's system for that. Her Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, Rebel thing. It makes room for those who struggle with internal accountability to set up other things to help out.
I am sorry to read about your dad. I lost one of my best friends to colon cancer in 2020. Both my dad and my brother survived their bouts with it, so it was hard to imagine my young, vibrant Michelle would not make it. My heart goes out to you and your family.
As for your message, it really did resonate with me. I have lost trust in myself and in my writing over the last few years. I've been trying to build back incrementally, but it is hard to get on a even keel. I was so disciplined in 2021. I lost 50lbs on WW and wrote a couple books, but by mid-2022 the backsliding began. I found myself wondering if it was worth all the work, and in some cases (diet) gave up. I feel like I've been trying to get a grip all year. In some ways, I'm better (writing), in others I am not (health), but I am trying to take small steps in the right direction. It's all a process, right?
Thank you and I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. :(
As for trying to get back on an even keel, I hear you. Sometimes it seems like I can only have one or two major balls in the air (which means I'd be really bad at juggling, I guess.) If I focus on my health and family stuff, my writing has to take a backseat. If I focus on my writing, my healthy habits start to slide and my family stuff becomes chaotic. Trying to figure out the right balance is an ongoing journey. It's the age old work/life balance thing I guess, but I have to believe there is a world where both sides can exist in some kind of harmony. :-/