This post resonates with me on so many levels. Like you, I have spent the past decade on the hamster wheel. I've had 'success' with projects I wrote because I had the ability, but not because I particularly liked, loved, or even had any interest in and discovered I simply don't want to. I feel like Q4 of 2022 was me having one big Lloyd Dobler moment when it came to my career. A whole bucket of Do Not Want. I guess the trick now will be finding my way back to what I do want. It's a damn good thing I love peanut butter! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
<3 Maybe there's a 10-year writer itch that we've been afflicted with. I hear you on finding a way back to what you want. It's hard to do when you're not exactly sure what that looks like--at least that's how I'm feeling. I'm equally panicked by the thought of writing...and not writing. Maddening.
"There’s endless talk out there about filling our wells. Output needs input! Inspiration can take time, rest, space! We hear the words. But then quickly explain that, though we agree, we don’t have time for that right now and rush to our next deadline. Or was that just me? ;)"
Yes! I completely relate to this. I often feel like my idea well only has one scrap of paper that keeps floating to the top. I read books that have such cool concepts and I’m in awe of other people’s imaginations and wondering why mine won’t get with the program. I remember when I used to have so many ideas that it was impossible to choose. Now I do everything I can to avoid writing my one idea.
Do you think you need to take time to "stock the pantry" or do you think that one idea is being so persistent because it needs to be written to clear the path for other ideas? Also, I think cool concepts can be shiny and sparkly but also really simple concepts in the right writer's hands can be magical. Most romances are operating with the same set of tropes to choose from but they transform into unique things via a writer's individual voice.
100%. I recently added PNR rom-com to my 40 contemp rom-coms, and these books were SO EASY to write because they were just different enough. I'm tackling the WF/Rom hybrid next (although terrified that it'll be hard to sell), but I really want to TRY....
Ooh, glad you found something that was easy to write! I flirt with that WF/romance line sometimes. I feel like I'll write something in that zone at some point. Good luck with whatever's next for you!
This post gets to me. I'd always dismissed the idea of burnout as applying to me, possibly because I set my own schedules and because relatively few people feel any investment in my producing books on that schedule. But those internal schedules and self-imposed requirements can make you squirm and bring you down quite effectively. Part of it is that I've been stuck at the same level -- making visible ripples but in a small pond -- for enough years that it's wearing me down. I need to remember those writer-moments that bring me joy.
I also need to consider the ultimate question of whether writing still does for me what I want it to do. (I'm reminded of the excruciating decision the young Karen Killilea faced when, after continually pushing the boundaries of what someone with cerebral palsy could achieve, she reached what her doctor told her were her physiological limits. (Whether he was correct is a matter I won't attempt to address.) She and her family had focused all her life on getting her to walk, but walking, as she could do it, was not necessarily the best way to get around, compared to a wheelchair. She had to decide whether walking was the best path toward the ends she sought.
I'm sorry you're going through possible burnout. I think if we're internally motivated, our own self-set deadlines can be just as crushing as outside ones because it feels like we're letting ourselves down. And I think asking the questions: "does writing still do for me what I want it to do" is a good one.
I read an article on Lit Reactor recently that was called Give Up Your Dreams: Writing for Process over Ambition. Unfortunately, the article seems to be blocked or gone now when I click the link, but he was saying that sometimes we find ourselves judging our work on what or how many people are willing to pay for it but that the success of a book is largely out of our hands. I had saved this quote: "But I do think most of us were drawn to the writing craft because we loved the practice for its own sake. The dreams of being a successful author came afterward, and—for me, at least—those dreams have consistently dragged down the enjoyment of the craft. If we define success as writing consistently, digging into the practice, producing work you feel proud of, and letting the chips fall where they may—that is a hard dream to derail."
I saved this quote because leaning into process and trying to find the joy in writing again are the things I'm trying to focus on right now. But I also leave myself open to the possibility that if I don't find a way back into the joy of it, it's okay to change course--to write less or just for me or write something totally different or to not write at all. Everything is on the table. There are days I think I could walk away from it. Then there are nights like last night when I finished watching Fleishman is in Trouble and some of the lines (taken from the book) were so stunning and beautiful that my love for writing surged in my chest and it made me ache to write something that made people feel feelings the way that story made me feel.
So, I think the question you're asking yourself is one we should all be thinking about.
This post resonates with me on so many levels. Like you, I have spent the past decade on the hamster wheel. I've had 'success' with projects I wrote because I had the ability, but not because I particularly liked, loved, or even had any interest in and discovered I simply don't want to. I feel like Q4 of 2022 was me having one big Lloyd Dobler moment when it came to my career. A whole bucket of Do Not Want. I guess the trick now will be finding my way back to what I do want. It's a damn good thing I love peanut butter! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
<3 Maybe there's a 10-year writer itch that we've been afflicted with. I hear you on finding a way back to what you want. It's hard to do when you're not exactly sure what that looks like--at least that's how I'm feeling. I'm equally panicked by the thought of writing...and not writing. Maddening.
"There’s endless talk out there about filling our wells. Output needs input! Inspiration can take time, rest, space! We hear the words. But then quickly explain that, though we agree, we don’t have time for that right now and rush to our next deadline. Or was that just me? ;)"
It's not just you!
Welcome to the support group. ;)
Yes! I completely relate to this. I often feel like my idea well only has one scrap of paper that keeps floating to the top. I read books that have such cool concepts and I’m in awe of other people’s imaginations and wondering why mine won’t get with the program. I remember when I used to have so many ideas that it was impossible to choose. Now I do everything I can to avoid writing my one idea.
Do you think you need to take time to "stock the pantry" or do you think that one idea is being so persistent because it needs to be written to clear the path for other ideas? Also, I think cool concepts can be shiny and sparkly but also really simple concepts in the right writer's hands can be magical. Most romances are operating with the same set of tropes to choose from but they transform into unique things via a writer's individual voice.
100%. I recently added PNR rom-com to my 40 contemp rom-coms, and these books were SO EASY to write because they were just different enough. I'm tackling the WF/Rom hybrid next (although terrified that it'll be hard to sell), but I really want to TRY....
Ooh, glad you found something that was easy to write! I flirt with that WF/romance line sometimes. I feel like I'll write something in that zone at some point. Good luck with whatever's next for you!
This post gets to me. I'd always dismissed the idea of burnout as applying to me, possibly because I set my own schedules and because relatively few people feel any investment in my producing books on that schedule. But those internal schedules and self-imposed requirements can make you squirm and bring you down quite effectively. Part of it is that I've been stuck at the same level -- making visible ripples but in a small pond -- for enough years that it's wearing me down. I need to remember those writer-moments that bring me joy.
I also need to consider the ultimate question of whether writing still does for me what I want it to do. (I'm reminded of the excruciating decision the young Karen Killilea faced when, after continually pushing the boundaries of what someone with cerebral palsy could achieve, she reached what her doctor told her were her physiological limits. (Whether he was correct is a matter I won't attempt to address.) She and her family had focused all her life on getting her to walk, but walking, as she could do it, was not necessarily the best way to get around, compared to a wheelchair. She had to decide whether walking was the best path toward the ends she sought.
I'm sorry you're going through possible burnout. I think if we're internally motivated, our own self-set deadlines can be just as crushing as outside ones because it feels like we're letting ourselves down. And I think asking the questions: "does writing still do for me what I want it to do" is a good one.
I read an article on Lit Reactor recently that was called Give Up Your Dreams: Writing for Process over Ambition. Unfortunately, the article seems to be blocked or gone now when I click the link, but he was saying that sometimes we find ourselves judging our work on what or how many people are willing to pay for it but that the success of a book is largely out of our hands. I had saved this quote: "But I do think most of us were drawn to the writing craft because we loved the practice for its own sake. The dreams of being a successful author came afterward, and—for me, at least—those dreams have consistently dragged down the enjoyment of the craft. If we define success as writing consistently, digging into the practice, producing work you feel proud of, and letting the chips fall where they may—that is a hard dream to derail."
I saved this quote because leaning into process and trying to find the joy in writing again are the things I'm trying to focus on right now. But I also leave myself open to the possibility that if I don't find a way back into the joy of it, it's okay to change course--to write less or just for me or write something totally different or to not write at all. Everything is on the table. There are days I think I could walk away from it. Then there are nights like last night when I finished watching Fleishman is in Trouble and some of the lines (taken from the book) were so stunning and beautiful that my love for writing surged in my chest and it made me ache to write something that made people feel feelings the way that story made me feel.
So, I think the question you're asking yourself is one we should all be thinking about.
Thank you! I'm sorry you're struggling too, but hopefully we can all learn better ways forward together.